As I perused this week’s restaurant stories, one thing became very clear. It was an incredibly bad week for restaurant managers. Several of this week’s stories contain the “manager’s behaving badly” meme. There are also some great follow up stories that will sound familiar to long time readers of this column. All of which have been painstakingly compiled for your weekend reading enjoyment.
Before we get to the managers, lets get this weeks update on the “Great Chinese Restaurant Robbery Spree of 2010” out of the way. It seems that every week I have a new story for you of a Chinese Restaurant getting robbed. What you may not know is that I generally only pick the most interesting story out of several that happen each week. This week I have a different spin on it. Another suspect has been caught in one of the cases. It was not the police who captured him, but the restaurant staff. This one is pretty unbelievable and definitely falls under the category of stupid criminals. (Springfield, MA)
In another follow up story, I think I am spotting an odd trend. A few weeks ago, I posted the story of fake health inspectors and OSHA inspectors in Alabama and then in Arkansas. This week it is happening in Iowa. Either this is a case of people simultaneously getting the same idea or the Police should be comparing notes. (Ames, IA)
Lets all take a moment to be honest here. If you work in a restaurant, you probably work with someone who knows how to get a hold of a bag of weed. During your first week of training you learn the characters: the guy who flirts with all the new girls, the overachiever who gets on everyone’s nerves, and the guy you can buy weed from. In most restaurants it is not the owner who is the one selling the drugs. (Canal Winchester, OH)
Good reviews are important to a restaurant. A few kind words from a local critic can launch a new restaurant. Reviews like “a gold mine” or “one-stop shop” would normally be favorable. In this case those were the reviews of a restaurant given to police by arrested drug dealers. Somehow I don’t think a Prosecutor saying, “but it’s nowhere near the open-air drug market it was a year ago.” will go on their next ad. 36 drug arrests at a restaurant will land the owner in jail. (Richmond, VA)
Have no managers ever seen the movie Waiting? Your cute teenage staff members do not want to have sex with you. They do not want you to touch them. When you do they will report you. When you fire them for saying “no” (allegedly), they will sue you. This isn’t rocket science guys. (Kansas City, MO)
If you show up for a job interview and your manager offers you a cocktail, you are not supposed to take it. It is a trap. This is especially true if you are underage. If after a few more cocktails he offers to take you out, it is no longer a job interview. It is instead the plot line of a Lifetime original movie. (Toronto, ON)
While each of those managers did something blatantly illegal, I still think this next manager has to be the dumbest. McFadden’s is one of those mega bar and grill concepts that pop up in new upscale shopping districts. Whether by nature of their business model or the areas they build in, they are often the targets of discrimination complaints. The corporate office denies it and the story usually goes away. The denials become a little more difficult when the General Manager sends a text to an employee that says, “We don’t want black people we are a white bar!” My over under on the cost of this text is ten million dollars. (Philadelphia, PA)
Enough time spent beating up on managers, its time to move on to beating up celebrities. Devante Swing is best known as the “de” from Jodeci. Still not ringing a bell? That might explain why instead of trashing a swank hotel room or Hollywood nightspot, he was arrested in a different type of restaurant. A Subway. Not the subway, but a Subway. Was the local Country Kitchen on a wait? (Burbank, CA)
I wish that last story had an accompanying video almost as much as I wish this one did. It was a quiet day at Luke’s Bar and Grill, until an unexpected visitor arrived. A large white tailed deer. While I am sure any of the patrons would have gladly bought him a drink he was more insistent on tearing up the place. This story would have had a much different ending if it happened in Texas. (Bluffton, OH)
A lady walks out on her tab at Joe’s Crab Shack and is arrested. That doesn’t make the list. She is easily arrested because she has been arrested in the same restaurant for the same offense on a previous occasion. Still probably not making the list. As she is being arrested she assaults the officer with what is described in the police report as “a rigid feminine pleasure device.” Congratulations, you just became my favorite story of the week. (Gurnee, IL)
The Chef Justus Award for this week’s restaurant hero goes to Marco Morabito, the owner of Marco’s Pizza and Family Restaurant. When Marco read of the suicide of Jesse Buchsbaum (suspected to be as a result of bullying), he did not put on a purple shirt. He held a fundraiser to help the family pay for the funeral expenses. The community showed up en mass to support the family. This is a shining example of how a business owner expresses his commitment to the community. (Gilbertsville, PA)
This week’s soon to be renamed (aren’t we all getting tired of picking on Mr Ferruzza?) award for the restaurant jerk goes to a soon to apprehended criminal. Scallions Restaurant recently held a fundraiser for a scholarship fund in the name of David Taylor Miller, a soldier who recently gave his life for his country. The event was a success. The next day the manager returned to the restaurant to find that someone had stolen the safe. Police have not made an arrest yet. Let me make it clear, when someone is arrested in this case I will go all John McCain on their butts and do everything I can to “make them famous.” (Saratoga Springs, NY)
Time for the scoreboard.
Despite a weak showing, the South Atlantic region retains their lead. The West South Central was shut out this week. That allowed another strong performance from the East North Central to move them into second place. With less than two months left in the year, this could come down to the wire.
Our international story this week comes from Lebanon. It seems there isn’t much work for chimps there. This chimp started his career toting hookahs to patrons. When he became too large for the owner, he took a job at the zoo smoking cigarettes to amuse patrons. Apparently this does not sit well with animal rights groups who have purchased him and plan on sending him to an animal refuge in Brazil. He appears unpleased with this decision, but quitting smoking is tough for everyone. While this epic story would win most weeks, I still give the win to the lady with “a rigid feminine pleasure device.” This bring the total to USA:7 World:5.
That is all for this week. If you enjoyed these weird restaurant stories, you might also enjoy the stories from past weeks. At the top of the page, there is a tab titled, “weird restaurant stories.” On that page you will find over a hundred other fun stories from past weeks. Enough stories to keep you reading until Monday when I update again.