The Card

Generally I try to focus on tips on how to be a better server, a better manager, or just my random musings on the industry when I sit down to write for this blog.  I made it a point when I started this blog to never become another server writing about how annoying his guests were.  I have always avoided it. This one is too good though.

When in the course of human event it becomes necessary for one blogger to dissolve the ethical bands which has connected him to his guests and to assume among the powers of the blogosphere, that separate and equal station to which the laws of serving and the server’s god entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of all servers requires that they should declare the guests which impel them to the separation.

I do not paraphrase Thomas Jefferson lightly.  Last night something so incredibly mind blowing was handed to me that I feel I would be doing a disservice by not sharing it.  With that in mind, I bring you the story of “the card.”

I have been handed any number of things over the years from tables.  Phone numbers business cards, and even the occasional room key.  I have been asked about joining every network marketing business and religion known to man.  I take them all with a smile.  If they leave over 20%, I will even read it.  This however puts all of them to shame.

I approach a table to great them.  One of the three people responds and asks for an iced tea.  When I went to school “iced tea” was not considered an adjective or a proper response to “how is everyone this evening?”  Gave me the read on the table though so I moved on.  I look to the two gentlemen with her and the older one pulls out of his wallet a card. He hands it to me without saying a word.  The other gentleman at the table points to the card and holds up two fingers.  I look down and see this:

The back of the card

The card as it was handed to me

Now my first response instinctively was “wow we think very highly of ourselves don’t we?”  As I moved away from the table, I began to think that maybe he was deaf.  That would justify getting such cards printed up.  I mean it would be troublesome as a deaf drinker to order such a detailed drink.  I decided to cut him some slack.  Until I turned it over and saw the other side.

You see I have seen cards like this before.  Rather pompous, but if you got a stack of them from a bar pushing Ketel One I can see using them on occasion.  That would not be blog worthy.  It would be the kind of thing you snicker about in the side station.  This was most certainly better than that.  I turn the card over and it has the guys name (matched the credit card he paid with) his email, his phone number, and his cell phone number.  It also had his picture.  This picture turned a tediously slow night at the restaurant into a wonderful evening in which his table received many fly bys.

For those of you not familiar with the concept of a “fly by” let me explain.  A fly by occurs when a server informs their fellow servers that a table is notable enough to go out of your way to walk by and look at.  Fly bys can be for a number of reasons.  Excessive cleavage, tacky t-shirts, potential hooker dates, definite hooker dates, or any number of other things can merit a fly by.  You generally learn to judge from knowing the personality of your coworkers what the fly by will consist of.  Seldom is the reason for the fly by mentioned in advance.  It is simply stated “42 3.”  From there you know that table 42 seat 3 has something to see.  The seat number allows you to map your route for the best angle of approach.  Fly bys are much different than “crop dusting”, but that is another topic for another blog.

So have I teased the picture long enough?

I thought for a while about whether or not to post the card.  I assume though that if it was handed to me, it is not a big secret.  I also assume that its intended target was not a straight male server, but a cute cocktail waitress.  I will let him remain anonymous, but this is too good not to share.

The Card

The Card

I will leave the comments to all of you.

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14 comments on “The Card

  1. the kid sister on said:

    Did you tell him about your single sister?
    HAHAHAHA!

  2. I don’t get it. Not sure what I would have done if he’d given it to me.

  3. vandervecken on said:

    maybe when the other guy held up two fingers, what he really meant was that he wanted two guys like that.

  4. yellowcat on said:

    There is a saying that women will never be equal to men until they can look at their pot belly and receeding hairline in the mirror and think they look good.

    This guy was undeservedly impressed with himself. I would have guffawed right at his table.

  5. yes yes. the card. its apaling but id like to note something else about this entry….i DIED at the fly by paragraph! isnt that just the truth and “hooker dates” aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! omg. so funny and EXACTLY how it happens.

    • tipsfortips on said:

      I see lots of hooker dates. Even have one that is a regular and brings dates in. There is also always the “hooker or daughter” game. Every office has games. Restaurant games are just more interesting.

  6. naughtydoctor on said:

    LMFAO!!!

    OK, I’ve been in the industry for years and I’ve never seen, nor heard of anything like this. Too funny!!! I appreciate the nights there are fly by’s. Usually, makes for a more interesting night.

    Thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading your blog. It has lots of helpful hints and reminders of how to be a better server. Never too old to learn something new.

    Later!!

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