Welcome to the first ever bonus edition of Weird Restaurant Stories. This week I am going to try something a little different. The difficulty I have each week in compiling this list is eliminating those last few stories. This week several of the stories I wanted to eliminate all fit into the same theme. So this week’s dozen stories is actually a dozen and a half. Bonus.
The reason I limit it to 12 is that this is actually one of the more time consuming posts I write during the week. Coming up with even slightly funny lines about more than 12 stories would be a bit cumbersome. That is why this week in order to accommodate the bonus stories I have decided on a speed round of stories all sharing a similar theme. We have all heard the phrase, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” This week I decided to test that theory. I may have some better variations. Judge for yourself.
Hell hath no fury like a Steak ‘n Shake server scorned. (Cleveland, TN)
Hell hath no fury like a buffet owner scorned. (Batavia, NY)
Hell hath no fury like a cook surrounded by math geeks scorned. (Cambridge, MA)
Hell hath no fury like a slip and fall victim scorned. (Daphne, AL)
Hell hath no fury like a meat grinder scorned. (Meridian Township, MI)
Hell hath no fury like the owner of a 12-foot tall fiberglass cock scorned. (Hatch, NM)
Hell hath no fury like an evicted restaurant owner scorned. (Lubbock. TX)
Hell hath no fury like a pissed off judge scorned. (Buffalo, NY)
Hell hath no fury like a Montessori School president scorned. (Salinas, CA)
Hell hath no fury like an ex girlfriend/ business partner scorned. (Winston–Salem, NC)
Hell hath no fury like a restaurant manager/ pro wrestling fan scorned. (Ft Lauderdale, FL)
Hell hath no fury like anyone who reads this story. (Dowagiac, IN)
You get the idea. Before we go any further down the list of people scorn, I want to share the story that has me the most excited this week. Those of you who read this series weekly know that we are in the midst of “The Great Chinese Restaurant Robbery Spree of 2010.” Last week I even reported on a restaurant that got hit twice in one week. I have a different type of story this week. We got ‘em. Okay well the police caught them, but I get to report it. (Richmond, VA)
I do believe in intellectual property. If you come up with a unique concept, no one should be able to steal it from you. The key word here being “unique.” Opening a hot dog restaurant does not qualify as a unique concept. (Kansas City, MO)
It is good to get input from the public when opening a restaurant. You really want as many ideas as you can. This 14-person ownership group is looking to start a new restaurant. They are seeking out input on a name, a menu, the décor, and anything else. What they should be seeking out is someone to tell them that a 14-person ownership group is a horrible idea. I anticipate a future headline reading, “14-person ownership group seeks public input on how to make a profit.” (Lansing, MI)
They say people are just more polite in the South. Even their crooks are more polite. While other places have robbers that hold guns to employees’ heads, theirs never brandish weapons. Instead they sit patiently at a booth and wait for you to hand them the money. Just because you are a criminal doesn’t excuse you from having good manners. (La Marque, TX)
This week’s Chef Justus Award for the restaurant hero goes to 92 year old Salvador Solis. Running a restaurant is hard work. So is being a single parent. I can only imagine how tough it is to run a restaurant as a single parent. Now multiply that by twelve. Salvador Solis has run his restaurant since 1969 while raising twelve kids as a widower. We are all officially slackers by comparison. (Chicago, IL)
The REDACTED for the restaurant jerk goes to Las Vegas restaurant icon Michael Morton. He is responsible for clubs like RAIN at The Palms hotel. Looks like he has crossed over to Palm’s owner George Maloof’s bad side. Maloof in turn emptied his file on Morton alleging theft, fraud, embezzlement, and violation involving minors. This file held enough dirt (allegedly) to make J Edgar Hoover pop a tent in his sundress (allegedly). Hell hath no fury like a Maloof brother scorned. (Las Vegas, NV)
18 new stories. Time for the scoreboard:
Every region, except our neighbors to the north, added to their point totals this week. The East North Central region pulled off a surprising victory this week. The South Atlantic extended its lead with a second place finish. Good showings all around.
Finally it is time to see what stories other nations have to contribute this week. The hand down winner comes to us from North Korea. Kim Jong-Il, the North Korean ruler, has recently elevated his son to become the new leader. What is left for a leader who has already developed weapons of mass destruction and violated human rights at the cost of millions of his people dying of starvation? Restaurant design. Much like Al Gore after losing in 2000, he is going into the restaurant business. No word on whether or not he will grow a beard as well. A leader known for torturing his own people is the perfect person to design a side station. Score one for The World. USA: 6 World: 3
That is all for this week. Won’t you join us again next week? In the meantime, feel free to check out all the previous weeks.