The deliberations are done. From hundreds of qualifiers, forty made the first cut. The second cut took us to eighteen. After a couple of hours of eliminations, I have the top twelve stories that happened in restaurants this week. Here are the winners.
We might as well get it out of the way. “The Great Chinese Restaurant Crime Spree of 2010” continues. If anyone wants to come up with a catchy name for this trend, leave it in the comment section below. Apparently this has gone on so long that criminals are running out of restaurants to rob. Which explains why this one got hit twice in a week. (Richmond, VA)
I am surprised none of these restaurants have hired this manager. An older gentleman tried to use a stolen credit card at his restaurant. His response is to make the guy strip naked and beat him until the cops arrives. Despite numerous witnesses, the manager was not arrested. Sound strange? This explains a lot -> (Dallas, TX)
Other times it is the owner getting naked. I am all in favor of an owner getting naked in the privacy of his own closed restaurant. When there is no privacy because the restaurant is open, keep your damn pants on. You are really missing out if you do not go see the mug shot on this guy. (Steamboat Springs, CO)
“Man robs McDonalds.” Boring and uncreative. “Man robs McDonalds in Batman mask and fangs.” Congrats, you made the list. Police have named Michael Keaton, George Clooney, and Val Kilmer as persons of interest. (Belmont, CA)
I’ve worked for some real jerks over the years. Restaurant managers are not always the nicest people. In no way does that mean you should kill them for writing you up. Seriously not cool. (Dartmouth, MA)
I will be expecting a thank you note from Doug Malachoski for letting his story look pretty mild in comparison to that one. Ever have one of those guests who brag about how much they drank before they drive home? That is what he did. Only the guests who heard him called the cops and he was promptly arrested. Score one for the guests. (Orem, UT)
We are all familiar with the police command, “Come out with your hands up. We have you surrounded.” No? Okay maybe that is just one I am familiar with. The police should make sure it is true though first. Otherwise your standoff is more of a stand around. (Sun Valley, CA)
Apparently someone has not been doing his or her sidework. A new study by people who sell sanitizer to frightened parents finds that restaurant high chairs are dirtier than public toilets. Paranoid parents are horrified. Restaurant employees nationwide responded by saying, “duh.” (Grand Junction, CO)
A bunch of prudes won a battle this week to keep a restaurant called “Twin Peaks” out of their neighborhood. Apparently it is similar to Hooters, Tilted Kilt, and Bone Daddy’s all of which are already located in the same area. We all know that it is the fourth one that corrupts the kids as they drive past. Instead they are opening a family friendly sports bar. Enabling self-righteous parents to feed their kids happy hour chicken wings for dinner while getting plowed and cussing at the ref in a wholesome environment. Who thinks like this? Wait for it…. (Southlake, TX)
The battle for REDACTED this week was between two rival celebrity chefs. The runner up is Mario Batali and the owners of his restaurant “Del Posto.” Apparently they read enough of the law to know they could take a tip credit. They skipped the part where servers actually have to be given the tips they earn. (New York, NY)
Before we get to the other celebrity chef, time for the winner of this week’s Chef Justus Award for the restaurant hero. This week it goes to Polish immigrant, Robert Krzak. He recently opened his first restaurant, but also kept another full time bartending gig on the side. He does all of this on top of raising two young children. Next time you think you work too much, just think of Mr Krzak laughing at you. (Dayton, OH)
The winner of this week the REDACTED for restaurant jerk goes to Wolfgang Puck. I am sure he had nothing personally to do with this story, but if you put your name on the restaurant while some line cook making twelve bucks an hour actually makes my food, you get the negative press too. Apparently, a group of older gentleman showed up at his restaurant and got turned away because their hats and t-shirts did not fit the dress code. The hats represented their WWII unit and the shirts were to reflect their status as former prisoners of war. Probably should have made an exception for them, Wolfy. (Dallas, TX)
This week I asked Pauly D and Vinnie from Jersey Shore to join me in letting you know: “It’s Scoreboard Time.”
The Mountain region came on strong this week. It was strong enough to tie with The Lone Star State in quantity, but not in quality. Don’t worry Texas, you will always be the weirdest in my heart. South Atlantic still leads, but the pack is closing in.
The world gave us a few great stories to choose from. I decided to go with a pizza joint in England who hired a flirting consultant for their servers. This place has hired any number of consultants to improve their restaurant. My advice is to save money for when they have to hire a bankruptcy consultant. I really though this competition was going to stay closer when I started it. US:6 World: 2
That is all for this week. Gotta go get my GTL on before work.