If Hostesses Ruled The World

please wait to be seated

Restaurant servers are a highly diverse group of individuals.  I think within this occupation you can find as much diversity of backgrounds and beliefs as any other in the world.  There are very few common opinions that truly unite us all.  I however feel that I have found one thought that unites us all.  Nothing annoys us more than a truly bad restaurant hostess.

Let me start with some disclaimers here.  Not everyone who works the front desk at a restaurant falls into this category.  I will also say that there is probably no job in the restaurant industry that is more thankless than being a hostess.  Somehow a vast majority of the hostesses that I have worked with have excelled at reinforcing the remarkably low opinion servers have of them.  This is the reason I reply to every complaint from a coworker about a hostess with, “There is a name for intelligent hostesses.  We call them servers.”

The reasons behind this animosity towards the people who control the flow of traffic at the front of the restaurant are two-fold.  The first is that despite all training to the contrary, the hostess often feels her only job is to get the guests out of her area.  This means dumping guests at tables during the rush in such a way that the servers and cooks have no possible chance of keeping up.

This gave me an idea.  Click the links below to see a visual representation of what would happen

If hostesses worked the door at an exclusive club

If hostesses controlled water flow at a dam

If hostesses loaded a truck

If you asked a hostess to light your cigarette

If hostesses ran grain loaders

The second reason for the hostility servers feel towards hostesses is their inability to keep any semblance of order in the way they distribute guests.  It seems like every server has a story of the hostess who filled their section while other servers were waiting for their first table.  They also have the story of being on the other side.  Modern technology like OpenTable was supposed to remedy this problem.  Which started me wondering what would happen….

If hostesses loaded a boat

If hostesses played on a teeter totter

If hostesses designed buildings

If hostesses redecorated

If hostesses built bridges

If hostesses booked rooms on a cruise ship

Of course hostesses have probably just as much resentment towards servers.  I will gladly leave the comment section open for their replies.  We can hopefully all agree that hostesses’ greatest asset is their since of humor and ability to take a joke.  Especially the ones I work with.  Right?  Otherwise I see an apology post in my near future.

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