“In the restaurant industries’ war on crime, the worst criminal offenders are pursued by the reporters of local newspapers. These are their stories.” *dun dun*
Generally, I try to find some oddball stories during the course of the week to make you all chuckle on Saturdays. I tend to read stories on Friday afternoon and then return on Saturday to write them up. Today’s post is a little bit different. The first reason is the fourteen-hour shift I pulled yesterday at The Plaza Art Fair. The second is that around the country people seem to be a little more off their rocker than normal this week. Not in the comedic way, but in the shooting people who are enjoying their egg drop soup way. This week has a particularly “Law and Order: Criminal Intent” feel to it. I don’t make the news, I simply report on it. Luckily, there are still enough boneheads out there to bring us some comic relief at the end.
Let me make one other observation. I know there has been a great deal of discussion regarding hate crimes towards Muslim Americans recently. This includes everything from protesting community centers to burning Korans to stabbing cab drivers. While this is getting a great deal of attention, I think the real crime epidemic is just below the surface. It is becoming increasingly unsafe to run a Chinese restaurant. As I have reported in the past. There is a growing trend of violence against managers, employees, and patrons at these restaurants. Let me demonstrate.
An employee at Hong Hua restaurant was beaten with a baseball bat as three men were robbing him at gunpoint. They outnumbered him three to one and had a gun. Was the baseball bat really necessary? (Detroit, MI)
Zeng Guo owner of No. 1 Wok was shot while making a delivery. Robbing a delivery driver makes very little sense. They are not known to carry a great deal of cash and generally are on their way to get more. This is like robbing someone on their way to the ATM. (Hartford, CT)
Another man was shot dead at the Happy Blossom restaurant in Vancouver. It seems he was the target of organized crime. This story reminds me of the scene from The Godfather. If the police are looking for leads, I recommend looking behind the toilet basin for evidence a gun was placed there. (Vancouver, BC)
Crime is not however limited to these types of restaurants. Neither are stupid criminals. All the fancy lawyer logic in the world couldn’t get these guys off the hook. (Wilkes-Barre, PA)
Sometimes the criminals are caught in the act. Especially when they make it easy. If you are going to rob a restaurant, learn a lesson from this guy leave the coins behind. (Temple, TX)
Criminals are not the only people restaurant owners need to fear. Sometimes they need to fear the government. Especially when the government officials in question are also criminals. (North Providence, RI)
Restaurant customers also pose certain risks. This restaurant owner had too much of unruly kids and decided to take action. This will also mark a hiatus of “restaurant posts sign to remind parents to be parents” stories on this blog. (Buford, GA)
An unruly kid is not as bad as some regulars. I have had many regulars in my day and none of them left me exorbitant tips and gifts. I would generally be happy if they did. That would be until I found out like this waitress that they were registered as a violent sex offender. (Kokomo, IN)
I have been struggling all morning with whether or not to post this next story. It makes me angry, sad, and generally disappointed with my fellow human beings. As far as I am concerned this restaurant owner is a hero. Still he is having his windows broken out and is facing harassing phone calls. (Sherman, TX)
Let’s not forget that even restaurant managers can be dangerous. I have been in toe to toe shouting matches with managers before. The next day there is usually a handshake and an apology. I don’t think this McDonald’s manager is going to find it as easy to make up for beating the crap out of a High School aged employee. (Memphis, TN)
Seriously, this crime stuff is starting to get depressing. If only someone would drive a car into a mall or something. Wait they did? Not only did they drive a car into a mall, they drove a car that pushed another car into a mall. If only there was video. In my head it looks something like this. (Fairlawn, OH)
They say there is no such thing as a stupid question. I bet whoever “they” is, asks a bunch of stupid questions. There are stupid questions and Clay Thompson is there to answer them. I was reassured when I found out you cannot get pregnant from touching a statue. Now if I could only rule out French kissing and holding hands. (Mesa, AZ)
Let’s look at the scoreboard:
The East North Central had a strong showing this week. The West South Central made up a little ground as Florida went scoreless this week. The West North Central went scoreless again this week. This leaves one week left on my countdown before I take control of the situation and get my home region on the scoreboard.
This week I have decided to skip the US vs The World competition. The world had some strong contenders, but I am making the decision to award them the points automatically. Ten stories of restaurant violence? Seriously America, we are better than this. As a penalty for all this bad behavior I am awarding the point to The World. This brings the new score to USA: 3 and The World: 2.
Seriously people, pull it together. We are a nation of ridiculous criminals and crazy restaurant names. We are better than shooting restaurant owners and beating our employees. I am very disappointed this week, but if we learn from our mistakes, we can do better. Make me proud and do something stupid in a restaurant this week. Wait, did I just say that?