If Servers Did Not Exist

It was Voltaire who said, “If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.”  I stay far away from theological discussions on this blog.  I did however wonder how this quote would have been different if it was written by restaurant employees.  Each role in a restaurant would probably have a different take on what needed to be invented.  Here are a few for your consideration.

‘If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.” –Voltaire

“If Rumors did not exist, it would be necessary to invent them.” –Hostess

“If Dumbasses did not exist, it would be necessary for management to hire them.” –Head Trainer

“If Blender Drinks did not exist, it would be necessary to invent them at five minutes til close.” –Bartender

“If Saturday Nights did not exist, it would not be necessary for me to invent excuses for calling in sick on Sunday morning.” –Partying Server

“If reasons to be pissed off did not exist, it would be necessary to invent them.” –Line Cook

“If General Managers did not exist, It would be necessary to find another way to know how brilliant all my ideas are.” –Regional Manager

“If inefficiencies did not exist, it would be because of my 37-step spec for serving a cup of coffee.” –Chief Operations Officer

“If General Managers did not exist, it would be necessary to invent a robot to steal my ideas and pass them off as my own.” –Assistant Manager

“If irons did not exist, you mean they do?” –Slacker Server

“If Seniority did not exist, it would be necessary to invent a reason for bossing you around.” –Senior Server

“If Squeegee Sharpeners did not exist, then why does everyone keep telling me to go get them out of the storage room in the basement?” –Rookie Server

“If Guests do not exist, it is necessary for you to invent them.” –Owner

“If God did not exist, whoa man that is crazy.” –Stoner Server

“If Hostesses did not exist, it would be necessary for me to find something to do besides stand at the front door and flirt.” – Pervy Manager

“If Late Night Bars did not exist, it would be necessary for me to do homework after my shift” –College Server

“If New Waitresses were not hired, it would be necessary for me to find dates on my own.” – Predatory Server

“If Tip Outs did not exist, it would be necessary for me to actually work at lunch.” –Daytime Bartender

Those are some that I came up with.  Have some of your own?  The comment section is open for you.

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One comment on “If Servers Did Not Exist

  1. SkippyMom on said:

    “If silverware and napkins did not exist it would be necessary to invent the roll up.”

    “If closing times did not exist it would be necessary to create the guest that walks in the door at 5 minutes to 10 pm.” [The blender drink got me going on that one. <3!

    "If free refills did not exist it would be necessary to invent the greedy customer who drinks six refills of coke a meal." [I have never understood how anyone can drink that much liquid and still eat.]

    If inattentive [bad] parents didn't exist it would be necessary to create the demon spawn.

    ;D

    That was fun. Hope I did it right.

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